I went on taking pictures of things one day, which was promptly turned down by my professor again. He gave me no clues to refine my shots, so I was shooting in the dark most of the time. Then after I complained "I can't understand half of what you're wanting, professor!" he gave me some guidelines to follow. I still had to dump 98% of my photos in the end.
Then here's the killer one. I had to make a layout for my profile; I originally made something that conveyed my personality very well (a page full of text and small pictures, which means I don't like putting big pictures in the layout). He said "trim it" so I did. He said "trim it" again. And again. I then broke down and removed everything from the page. I told him "I can't do this! Please help me! Why are you leaving me in the dark, so I suffer a lot of pain?! Tell me why you are turning my stuff down god damn it!!" Then he said "Look at what others did" so I did look at them. It conveyed NOTHING I wanted to express. I thought "What's the point of making things like this when I am not allowed to even express myself?! I could copy the layout from others, but where's the fun in that? This is Bulls███!" Finally, I said "F███ it" and copied layout from Wix then submitted the result. I hated him.
Another professor (not in the same class) gave me a 5-page assignment which the goal was drawing abstract shapes in 3D-ish feel, which OBVIOUSLY is easy for those who went to art school (and especially one with "product sketch" class). He gave those whose quality was far superior to my work (which I don't care) and despite telling him I can't do this well due to hand problems (shaky hands), and being embarrassed while submitting the potato sketch ( = A really sloppily drawn sketch), he told me "Your drawing sucks."
I usually don't care, but this time it was different; I was genuinely hating myself. I was full of hate. Literally. "Why can't I draw well? Why I can't even draw anything with correct scale? Why all of my drawings look like f███ing modern art instead of something that others could understand?" I thought. It's still inconclusive, and I get really stressed when I see complex shapes (or something drawn by me that contains wrong scaling, shading and/or wrong shape).
I mean, I drew ONE f███ing box with correct scaling in more than 34 hours. I was using the computer to make art for more than 16 years, and all I could draw was either white or black (same goes with other colors). I can't even draw straight. I was frustrated. And angry.
I was supposed to draw something that looks like a very generic product sketch from any company, but instead, I was drawing what others described as "scribbles." "It's f███ing impossible!" I thought to myself, and I still do.
Let's say this is what I should draw:
And this is what I drew:
Same goes with shaded objects:
I'm generally okay with being slightly slow, as long as it results in it being precise and high-quality (quality over quantity), but apparently, my professor doesn't think so. I really don't want to shave the last 1 second off my work session by investing more than 20 days to fix my habit of going to the menu and clicking on the tool I want to use instead of using key combos, but he insisted that it really helps. I didn't think so, and I still don't.
If education is a way to teach myself how to do things, isn't it a better idea to just let me f███ing learn something, instead of blocking me from trying out something familiar first? Why couldn't they give me a goddamned guide to solving this problem? Isn't that what teachers are supposed to f███ing do? Do they honestly think leaving students confused is a good f███ing way to teach them the f███ing lesson? Why can't I get a single motherf███ing carrot even if I'm trying my best? Why do they have to whip me like an f███ing animal? I bet some of you people are thinking "Oh, you whiny little b████, suck it up and git gud"
I'm frustrated! All I could do was the worst possible piece of s███ one could saw because OH WELL, I CAN'T F███ING DRAW, I tried my best, and I made it crystal f███ing clear to them, and they still don't teach me single f███ing thing? Should I say "F███ you" to the college and just leave? F███ MY LIFE!
I honestly think my professors are expecting this:
Fuck my life.
Phew. Sorry. I had to vent it off somehow.
